In T-minus 7 hours, Dr Chang is going to have at it. (why do they say T-Minus when counting?) While I get can my head around the reconstruction of the boob, I'm starting to seriously mourn the loss of my nipple. Yup, that's what I'm thinking about right now.
Mom flew out tonight. She's sleeping on an air bed in front of me now. For some reason, I'm just not sleepy. Huh.
They moved my surgery up to 8:30am. Have to be at the hospital in 5 hours.
Yesterday and today were full of fun activities at the hospital. Yeah...not so much. Let me catch you up:
I thought yesterday was tough...that was until today....when a really sweet Dr. Xu stuck four (that's FOUR) needles full of radioactive liquid around my nipple. For fuck's sake! GAH! That really hurt. I like to think I'm a toughie, but this was just not right. This nuclear stuff then seeps into my lymphatic system, and an hour and a half later, they take a few pictures in this massive machine. The picture is supposed to tell the surgeon tomorrow morning where to aim for the node or nodes of choice. It's all very sci fi. What's more...the surgeon actually takes a wand to this area tomorrow...and it will beep where the radioactive stuff is concentrated...kind of a guide. Again I say, sci fi.
Yesterday I just had to drink two jars of white sludge in preparation for the CT Scans. When I turned the corner into the waiting room to drink this crap, a cup full every ten minutes, I was greeted by several obviously sick people. A woman with a head scarf, an old man with a surgical mask on his face. That was kind of an eye opener. These people are SICK! I'm not sick!! Isn't there a room for the people who just have this crazy diagnosis but aren't sick?
It's too much. (I say that a lot lately).
It must have been obvious to these veteran hospital-goers that I was a newbie to the CT lounge. They all chuckled and welcomed me to the 'bar', and asked what flavor my sludge was. I just got all frat house on it and chugged it. Berry flavor, by the way. In the event you should ever have to go through this CT process, I don't recommend chugging it. Turns out, your body may not like you very much...let's just leave it at that.
So, after tomorrow, the combination of all these tests and the biopsy of the lymph nodes will tell them if it's spread. Still the only thing that scares me.
With a boat load of stuff to do in preparation for tomorrow, I may not have had the time to adequately respond to the TON of emails, texts, letters, pressies, care packages and phone calls that I've received this week. I promise that each and every message and prayer is living in my heart and giving me comfort and courage. I'm taking you all with me in the morning. I feel sooooo loved. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you right back. More than my puny vocabulary could possibly describe.
Will be in the hospital for one night only (yay!) then resting at home under the care of mom and my lovely lovely friends. Please feel free to call if you like. If I'm not up for it at that moment, I'll just ring you back when I can. XOXOXO
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